Bertha has been sidelined, benched, put on hold, but she is not gone. Her visit to the Hospital for x rays, left quite the impression on the poor schmuck who took the X rays. His retinas will never be the same. In all of his years as a tech, he has seen a lot of things. These took him down. He had to be given mouth to mouth by Bertha to revive him. You may wonder what he found, some can be explained, many leaving people wondering, what the hell just happened? Let’s try to look at some of the findings, and feel free to laugh, plotz, whatever makes you moan.
Bertha is a gal with a big yap, she says things, does things, is blind as a bat without her glasses. When she loves, she loves hard, never let’s go. When she is between a literal rock and hard place, instead of stepping back, the girl goes sheep. If she is in the middle of a sneeze, her big boobs get in the way, her glasses come off, trying to juggle her phone? Accidents happen, things get blocked, and everything goes wrong. But we love her that way, her big heart, her desire to keep everyone happy. The tech saw her phone, it still had those words, Blocked and Delete on it, then Oh Shit. It was not done in anger or upset. It was boobs. Whomever got that text, we feel for you. Hey who hasn’t hit the wrong buttons, or toucas, dialed someone, in an awkward position and accidently snapped photos while naked? It happens. With Bertha, this happened. Time for a trip down under to retrieve and reset.
That was the first thing, the second thing, was the result of going barefoot, and ending up with a hairline fracture from wearing her Manolos. Sheep are not made for that. Poor dear has been hobbling around for months, and this pair was unique, it had a wood liner. Yes, splinters. Oy my aching titties. A swallowed cell phone with messages, now this. What you may ask was next?
Bertha mistook her notes for NO Kings Protests for me edible paper, apparently was munching on it accidently. You guessed it, while putting together her list of items to carry: anti ICE protection cup, titanium bra which could not be popped while groped, feathers in case she had to beat them off. Yes, we know, we saw it. A feather boa in case she was photographed naked. A Hoodie with her favorite wrapper and person, Eminem. Music to get her wired for sound, also Eminem. The woman was ready for everything and anything. If she could not be near the one she loved, at least she was prepared for when it happens. Bertha, we hear ya woman, we would be moaning too.
Her implants required a fill up, and since her Medicare got cut, the hospital was no longer allowed to use the cutlets. But they could use a bicycle pump, so she was going for a twofer, tits and bits, and toucas too. Her kidneys were also on the list, requiring a bit of tlc. Bertha wanted the kind of tlc she is used to, but she has to settle for an IV for now. She did pass the no cancer test which gave her the vapors. Not the I just killed the violets type, rather, the kind that gave her a huge sigh of relief. Poor girl has seen some of her pals suffer the big lop off. Her notes were very specific, a bit too much info? Nah, not enough.
So, our girl is just resting quietly, no phone in site until it is retrieved, and to the poor guy who got the accidental dear john block? Bertha says it isn’t over, no need to jump to conclusions. Bertha and those boobs get her into more trouble. Would we want her any other way? I don’t think so.
As for the tech who woke up from mouth to mouth with Bertha staring him down? We hear someone said he kept muttering, his eyes! Bertha is not gone, did not disown, relocate, chase parked cars, or other men. She just made the mistake of multi-tasking, naked, and we have no idea, are actually afraid to know, how that damn phone got inside her gut. Puppy says he is thinking dirty thoughts, no dear, we won’t go there.
To all attending No kings, we say go give him hell!!! Sheep style. Happy Birthday to one King we can all agree on and still has it, won’t ever lose it.